The question today is, “Would you be willing to fly on a totally automated airplane that carried no human pilot?”

     If your answer is “Yes!”, congratulations!  You are one of a small, brave minority of people who fly at all.

     If you answer “No!” you must be a chicken.  Such people, of course, are in the majority.  Most folks, however, say they would be willing to do something that scares them if given sufficient incentive.  So, if offered any of the following (check up to three only), would you fly without a pilot in the airplane's cabin?

          1.)              Low price for your flight to your desired destination.

         2.)            Social and/or cultural amenities.

           a)             TV viewing capabilities while on flight (all reruns in summer).

           b)            Radio listening capability (short-wave only)

           c)             Computer use (no loitering).

           d)            All the alcoholic drinks desired.

           e)             All the food you want prepared by a French chef.

           f)               Massage and/or facial (a touching experience).

           g)           Have your pants pressed while you wait (ladies too).

           h)            Any type of gambling.

           i)               Sex education classes in flight.

           j)                A health checkup (female physician).

           k)            Plastic surgery

           l)               Tattooing/body piercing over any major U.S. city

           m)        Tanning salon (clothing requirement: sunglasses).

           n)            Nude physical workout.

           o)            CPA to do your taxes (loophole specialist).

           p)            Religious/spiritual services

           q)            Library books/talking books/musical CDs (music up to 1965).

           r)              Art shows (baroque, rococo, obsceno).

           s)              A standup comic performance.

           t)              Fitting session for designer clothes (undergarments required).

           u)            Bowling for dollars.

           v)            Live musical concert (humming along discouraged).

           w)          Haircut/permanent (blunt scissors used only).

           x)            Swimming (nude).

           y)            Anything else you can think of (that's legal, that is).

         3. A parachute for yourself (with a big ripcord).

         4. A parachute attached to the airplane (securely).

     If you could be persuaded to fly in a pilotless, completely automatically controlled aircraft with an incentive from the list above, please call Doless and Seemore Airlines (1-222-233-444 and ask to speak to Robbie) for a discount ticket to the destination of your choice.  You'll get a recorded message on how to pay for your ticket when you board the flight.  Bring cash and pay the robotic flight attendant.  (Keep your hands and other body parts a safe distance from the robotic flight attendant!)

     Note: Religiously-affiliated individuals, Jews, Christians, Muslims, and all others, being true believers and trusting in divine providence, will no doubt be the first in line to fly in pilotless planes.  Such people will be protected by prayers.  Here's a fine way of proving your faith.  Why not take advantage of it today? (Be careful what options you choose above.)

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