Welcome to Slobovia.

     You won't find it listed in the World Atlas; in fact, you won't find Slobovia printed on any map anywhere on Earth.  The reason is simple.  Slobovia does not exist on planet Earth.

     Slobovia exists somewhere between “The Twilight Zone” and “The Outer Limits”.  Can you Earthlings digest that phantasm?  We are real and exist, even if other species in the Universe, namely human beings, come to the conclusion that we are more hologram than flesh and blood, organic, or mechanical beings.  Whatever your interpretation—as you wish, so be it.  We Slobovians, or “Slobs” for short, have a saying, which is, “The inner universe can rival the outer universe for unknown existence!”

     Unlike humans, we do not have names issued to us for purposes of identification.  We are not issued numbers either.  Instead we receive a permanent tattoo on our foreheads, which are a pretty pronounced feature of our species.  A human might be tempted to jest that our foreheads would be sufficient as a movie screen. Ha! Ha! Ha!  Very clever specimens you humans tend to be.  Us Slobs have a sense of humor as well, but I doubt that humans “would dig it”!

     Our tattoos consist of symbols.  Nothing as exotic as your imaginations may tend to suggest.  Such things as markings from a deck of cards, i.e., clubs, spades, hearts and diamonds, are issued in some cases.  Different colors are part of the program as well.  Any simple symbol you can conceive of may be employed and kept on file for purposes of identification.  My identity is denoted by a “crescent moon” on my “movie screen”.  No jokes, please!

     When we greet each other, we may simply say, “Hello, ‘Tree', how are your branches hanging today?” or perhaps, “Nice to see you, ‘Teacup', are you full or empty?”  My fellow Slobs tend to greet me by saying, “Well, ‘Moon', will you be out tonight?”  I think you get the idea as to how we greet and converse with each other.

     What do we eat?  We subsist by simply breathing air!  We do not require physical food and drink as it is necessary for human existence.  Therefore we do not have an elimination system such as you have.  No need to show a “Crescent Moon” on the door of the facility indispensable for human use.  Ha! Ha! Ha!  I have a sense of humor too!  Can you dig it?

     Do we wear clothing?  Of course we do!  We require covering for the same purposes as necessitated by human considerations.  We slobs have a degree of modesty that dictates our physical appearance be concealed from the neck down to prevent undue arousal by members of the opposite sex.  The sight of exposed “flesh” affects us Slobs the same way it does humans.  We do not array ourselves in apparel the way homo sapiens do on Earth.  We are not susceptible to addiction to a constant fashion show in which humans are prone to indulge.  Our garments are alike and purposeful.   For female slobs to appear in bikinis would be distasteful and negate our need for dress.  Enough said!

     I suppose by now you Earthlings are curious as to our mode of propagation?  Shame on you for wanting to pass through the portal entering our boudoir. How we breed may be repugnant to humans.  However, human beings being the species they are, with an incorrigible nature possessed by many, there may be a tendency for some to believe they are missing out on something they never tried, and therefore feel cheated.  All of you on Earth can judge that concept for yourselves.  To simply whet your appetite to some degree, when we Slobs breed, the sounds we make, or noise if you prefer, are “Squish! Squash!  Squoosh!”  Now if any of you human passion pit practitioners are turned on by that, well then, by all means, knock yourself out!  Our private quarters are closed to further scrutiny!

     Slobovia does not know war, crime, greed, jealousy or envy, famine, disease, deceit, or any other “shocks of flesh you are heir to,” as it is so aptly put by your Shakespeare's HAMLET.  You wonder why we exist?  Perhaps it's time to let the “cat out of the bag” so to speak.  Here goes!

     We are much closer to planet Earth than you humans can imagine.  We do not wish to conquer or subdue the human race, but rather change it for the better.  We will not, or cannot, accomplish this feat through any means or methods you Earthlings might suppose.  Our arrival and “mingling” will be achieved, hopefully, through a subliminal concept.  You will not be aware of our presence when we arrive.  As I mentioned previously, you humans, in all probability, consider us Slobs to be mere holograms, perhaps less than that.  So much the better for us to infiltrate your minds when you do not expect, or are not prepared for our invasion.  You will not see us, hear us or feel us.  You will not sense our presence, but we will be among you in due course.

     Human nature is in store for a radical change in accordance with your religious and positive philosophical beliefs.  If you choose to believe it is prophecy being fulfilled in the second coming of your Messiah, that's wonderful!  Glad to hear it!  We Slobs, in essence, may well be a preceding emissary facilitating such prophecy being fulfilled.  Hooray for you, hooray for us!

     Perhaps Earth chooses not to believe in the existence of Slobovia.  As I had mentioned in the beginning, we Slobs exist in a realm somewhere between the Zone and the Limits.  We do not need spaceships or STAR TREK vaporizing nonsense to reach Earth.  We just need a little more time and preparation before entering the movie theater of your subconscious to appear on the silver screen of your mind.  As of this reading you are being forewarned.  We Slobs are coming and you will believe!

     Our hierarchy has informed the population of Slobovia that additional members are needed for infiltration purposes.  We Slobs must go and “Squish! Squash! Squoosh!” at an accelerated pace.  That is our sense of humor.  Can you dig it?

     I bid you all adieu, but not for long.  Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

     Some of you members of the human race have a quotation which says, “God moves in mysterious ways, his wonders to perform!” Could we Slobs be one of his ways?!  Perhaps Slobovia should be called “The Inner Limits.”  What do you think?